On haircuts, sweatpants, and being me.

Big news people!!! As many of you may have seen on Facebook, I did it, I cut my hair!!! And I actually like it, like a lot. It's weird because it's very...me. I look in the mirror and it just looks normal, like my hair has always been this short.

Many people have asked me why exactly I decided to cut it. Or they just assume that I cut it because it's summer and it's hot outside. I usually just tell them that I figured...why not? That's part of it but there's a 'deeper' reason to it. For much of my life I have struggled with the 'not good enough' problem. I have always been very self-conscious about how I look and what I do; always afraid that I wasn't enough: smart enough, pretty enough, spiritual enough, fit enough, etc. Short hair was one of those things that I felt I would never be able to pull off. I thought to myself 'surely, I'm not pretty enough/whatever enough to be able to make that look good'. The same thought was applied to other things, such as sweatpants. I was sure that I didn't have the right body/fit enough body to ever look good in sweatpants. Yes, this is truly what I thought. This year I have really started to embrace myself and love myself just the way I am. A few months ago, I decided that I was going to buy a pair of sweats and I was going to wear them for a whole day, to class and everything. So I marched myself over to the bookstore bought some sweats and wore them the next day. I don't know if I have ever been so uncomfortable wearing something as I did that day wearing those sweats. Every ten minutes I thought 'oh my gosh. I'm wearing sweatpants...ahhhhhh'. All day long that thought went through my mind. But I had a point to prove to myself. I had to show myself that I indeed  looked fine in sweatpants. That I was enough. And I did it.

It was the same deal with the hair. I had thought about it but then I was just like 'girl, forget it. you could never pull it off.' My hair had always been a kind of security blanket for me. If nothing else, I usually liked my hair. It was comfortable and safe. But the more I thought about cutting it, the more I wanted to do it, but that fear kept creeping in. You're not pretty enough, it wouldn't look good. Then I decided that it didn't matter. It didn't matter that guys don't like short hair cuts. It didn't matter if it didn't look the best on me. I was going to do it and that was that. I made my appointment at the salon and I was committed. I did it and I love it.

I feel like I'm in a much better spot in life, now that I've really started to love myself for who I am and not comparing myself to others. This year I've really learned to be grateful for my body. For the fact that it works, that I can do the things that I enjoy. That I am able. Do I weigh 5 or 10 pounds more than I would like? sure. Does it affect my worth or value? absolutely not. My body is far from perfect, but I have one and it works.

To leave you with some food for thought:

So do something that scares you, be brave, have courage. 

You are beautiful. You are enough.