Wishing you were somehow here again...

What a week! The week started with a loverly three day weekend. I surely needed it. Friday and Saturday I was that lame person who stayed home and did their laundry and homework and stuff. I know...I'm such a party animal. At least, that's what I was doing until mi amiga, Melody, managed to persuade me to go shopping. Good times. Sunday was another beautiful Sabbath day here in the valley. As hard as it can be sometimes, I really do love fast Sundays with testimony meeting and all. It is especially nice now when we are all trying to get to know each other.  Monday was labor day so I slept in a bit and then finally went and hiked the Y for the first time! and what a hike it is. Just getting to the trail head was a workout. But we survived.

{the trail head}
[pretty cool...huh?]

{a fantastic view of the temple from the top}

{we made it!}
[me and two of my super cool residents :)]

Tuesday was back to classes as well as the first devotional of the semester! I absolutely love devotional! Since it was the first one President and Sister Samuelson spoke. President Samuelson's choice of topic was perfection. He said that perfection and worthiness are not the same thing, but that many of us confuse the two. We are commanded to be perfect, but this is a process that takes place on an eternal time scale and only with the help of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Perfectionism is corrosive and destructive. We need to understand that we do not and cannot have control over everything and therefore should not blame ourselves unduly. We shouldn't have unrealistic expectations of ourselves: "You can't be purer than pure". He also noted that self-reliance is important but that we should not withdraw from the Lord. He will not withdraw His hand, but we need to reach for it: we do not and cannot become perfect by ourselves; we attain it because of Grace. But, we also need to do our part --> do our best, accept the Lord fully, love others, and love ourselves. 
Throughout the whole message it was like he was speaking to me. I know I definitely struggle with perfectionist tendencies and am therefore very hard on myself much of the time. I know that I often forget to  love myself...it's a problem. Sometimes to the point that I just don't do things for fear of failure, for fear that I won't be good enough. Which brings me to an awesome quote:
  "It is impossible to live without failing at something. Unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not
   have lived at all -- in which case, you fail by default."
           ~J.K. Rowling
That is so true. This has inspired another one of my goals for this semester: to stop waiting for things to happen and to go out and make them happen. To put myself  out there and get out of my comfort zone a little bit.
Yesterday was just one of those up and down days. I started out the day by doing to the temple, which is the best. But then my morning was ruined by a trip to the dentist. It was very unfortunate. And since I was upset, it made me miss him because all I really wanted was for him to be there and to hold me and tell me that everything was going to be okay. But then right after that I had lunch with a super awesome person named Jill! And that made it better. But then I was walking to the creamery last night, past the bell tower, and I was already missing him so the memories just came back and, alas, I was sad again. So yeah, I guess that's just kind of how life goes sometimes. And when that's how it goes I just remember all the things that my Heavenly Father has blessed me with and figure that things aren't so bad after all. Oh, and yesterday I finally got my first pair of Toms...yay!:

{ :] }

Note on Kade: he has been in the Provo MTC for 8 weeks and still has not received his visa so earlier this week he was temporarily assigned to serve in the Washington D.C. South mission! So cool. Even cooler...I told my parents this and discovered that the place where I was born is in that mission. Okay so maybe that isn't as cool as I think it is, but...it's still kind of random.

Note to self: for you music kids, in choir today I learned that "intonation is an attitude" ...interesting way of looking at it, but it kind of makes sense.

too school for cool

Well, school is officially in session! What a week. I've had who knows how many first days of school and yet it never fails to instill in me a faint sense of horror at the thought of all the work ahead of me. But lets go back a little further than Monday.

So... the day after my last post was Wednesday, the day that 70% of out residents here at Helaman Halls move-in. Move-in day = complete zoo. Luckily I only had to work 5 hours checking people in and then I got to go work at our opening social which is so much fun :) The rest of last  week was spent in getting ready for school and working shifts checking people in and Friday night was spent working my first regular shift in the hall office. Then came Saturday. On Saturday I accomplished the gargantuan task of asking a boy on a date. I know...whoa. Granted, it was a triple date and I didn't actually ask him in person (we made super-awesome invitations and stuck them in their mailboxes) but it was a great feat all the same. And the best part...they all said YES! I then finished off this fantastic day meeting some new people at my ward social (and my Bishop who was actually in the bishopric of my ward last year! I know, I am so lucky :P) and going for a wonderful run around campus. Sunday was the first day of church in our new wards and my first floor meeting! Now that was a rather scary experience. As an RA, residents can be very intimidating. But I made them funfetti cake-batter cookies and kept it short so all was well .

Then, all too soon, it was Monday. duh, Duh, DUH.... but I survived. Then Monday night was FHE and then our date! For our date we went and got shave ice at a little stand right off campus then walked up to Rock Canyon Park to watch Tron on a giant, blow-up, outdoor movie screen. It was fantastic (both the movie and the company)!

us and our dates : ]

Tuesday passed without incident until I decided to add a new class. Then I had to run around like crazy returning textbooks and getting notes and playing catch-up, but now I am satisfied with my schedule.  I am particularly looking forward to my New Testament class with Camille Fronk Olson!!! What I am really excited about for this class is the personal project. We get to do a semester-long personal project of our own choosing. For mine I'm pretty sure I'm going to read Jesus the Christ along with our assigned readings and keep a study journal of it, with the specific goal of coming to better know my Savior Jesus Christ. I can't wait :)

One of my goals this school year is to stay in better shape and maybe even perhaps run a half marathon in the spring and...I've actually managed to drag myself out of bed at the crack of dawn on the majority of the mornings this week. It's sooooo hard to get out of my nice, warm, comfortable bed to go running outside in the cold semi-darkness, but somehow, I managed. And it always feels good afterwards. I don't think there's ever a time when I'm like "gee, I really regret exercising and  keeping my body healthy and strong.." yeah, no, I always feel better afterwards.
I'm so glad today is Friday! I am so ready for a nice long weekend to get myself all caught-up and squared away and ready for another week of school.

Note to self.... pretzel m&ms are delicious! If you haven't tried them, you MUST...

oh, and here are some pictures of a bit of my hall decorations:

{my hall theme is true colors (like an individual worth type deal)}
[this is the bulletin board]

{and this is the mirror next to it :)}

Then I just have quotes on the walls. Some of which have to do with my theme, others of which are just ones that I like. Such as this one:
                 "I have been driven many times to my knees by the overwhelming conviction
                  that I had nowhere else to go."
                          ~Abraham Lincoln
I have to say, I could definitely relate to this one this past week. There was just a moment when I felt so overwhelmed with work and school and everything else that I just didn't know what to do, I didn't know how I was going to make it all work. And finally  (it probably took me longer than it should have) I just got down on my knees and that was all I needed. So remember that, and don't let it take you so long. Prayer doesn't need to be the last resort, in fact, it shouldn't be.

Well, that's it for this week. Week 2...bring it on. I'll catch ya'll on the flip side :)

Just smell the grass! The dirt! Just like I dreamed they'd be!...

I haven't blogged about my life in a bit, so here it goes...

Well, for starters, I'm back in Utah, which is most exciting. I have to say that I have missed it and that I am glad to be back. It was really nice to spend the first couple of days here with some of my family. They are so wonderful to me and I always feel at home with them, even though I haven't spent a lot of time with them during my life or gotten to know them super well. I am especially grateful to my cousins who pick me up from the airport and let me stay at their house and let me keep all my stuff at their house over the summer. They truly are amazing :)

 My job as a resident assistant (RA) is going swimmingly. Last week was training, and then this week residents have started showing up! But tomorrow is the big day when 70% of them actually move in...scary. And I am kind of nervous. I mean, what if they don't like me? what if I'm an epic fail as an RA? There's a lot more to the job than you think there is. But then again I'm probably worrying unnecessarily. I tend to do that.
But one thing that has been extra fantastic about this job are all the awesome people I got to meet. The other RAs (as well as my Hall Adviser) are amazing people. They're all so unique and I greatly appreciate them.

Sunday night my friend Melody and I were laying out in the quad looking at the stars and she brought up an amazing thought. The universe is so infinitely large and yet, who are we that Heavenly Father knows and cares about us each personally. How amazing is that! And the stars and just the whole world around us is so amazing and beautiful. And He made it that way just for us. It reminds me of a little saying:

God gave us all things that we might enjoy life. God gave us life that we might enjoy all things.  

It's just so amazing to me.

Another random thing: I am such a coward. So, yesterday, I was supposed to ask a boy to come with me on a double date with Melody and another boy, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I was too chicken. It's a problem. I'm just so painfully self-conscious that I'm afraid to. I'm afraid of looking silly or being rejected that it's easier just to stay home and not bother. I know...it's sad. I'm working on it, but it's so hard for me to just put myself out there. I definitely admire girls with enough self-confidence to just talk to boys and ask them on dates and stuff without being awkward or overly self-conscious...kudos to you! Someday I want to grow up to be like you.

So, as this new semester starts, I will be working on this, among many other things. Keep ya posted.

p.s. If you actually read all of this rambly nonsense...good for you :P

Thought of You

 This video was a product of the collaboration of the dance and animation departments at BYU.

What a beautiful and moving work of art. It's so simple yet so powerful.
I know I've felt this way sometimes. Sometimes it seems so hard to just keep moving, to even just get out of bed. But, it's getting better. I think about him less and less. It hurts to let him go, but I'm finally doing it.

And now some fantastic poems from "How to Survive the Loss of a Love" (a really fantastic and sometimes hilarious book):

I shall miss loving you.
I shall miss the
Comfort
of your embrace.
I shall miss the
Loneliness
of waiting for your
calls that never came.
I shall miss the Joy
of our comings,
and Pain
of your goings.
and,
after a time,
I shall miss
missing
loving
you.

To give you up.

What bell of freedom
that rings within me.
No more waiting for
letters
phone calls
postcards
that never came.
No more creative energy
wasted
in letters never mailed.
And, after awhilE,
no more insomnia,
no more insanity.
Some more happiness,
some more lifE.
All it took was giving you up.
And that took quite a bit.

always remember...

and so are you

Life, I love you, All is groovy.

I can't believe the end of Summer has crept up on me again, as it does every year. You would think that eventually it would fail to surprise me, that I would be ready for that sneak-attack, but, alas, I never am.
Well, folks, I have to say that this summer is wrapping up nicely. Lessons learned and stories to tell

House sitting, I learned that I do not particularly care for sleeping in other people's empty houses, alone. It kind of freaks me out. But the enticing call of the money to be made in this field of work convinced me to house/ pet sit a couple of weeks ago. As much as I didn't like it, it was a really good experience  and I learned a lot.   Especially when my parents decided that they were going to go out of town at the same time. This left me responsible for two houses, two dogs, a full-time job, a car, and a teenage boy. I'm not so sure that I want to grow up anymore...it was a lot of work :P Since I was alone, I learned to depend on Heavenly Father for company. I could really feel the presence of the Spirit and  felt so reassured and safe.

A couple of Saturdays ago I spontaneously decided to go and give blood. Now, for those of you who don't know, I had yet to go give blood unaccompanied and without the shedding of tears. That's right, I always cried whenever it came time to put the needle in. Well, this time I went by myself AND I DID NOT CRY! I know...what an accomplishment...I have to say I was rather proud of myself.

{sorry if this grosses you out}
[my older brother found it kind of disturbing when I sent it to him :)]

Last week was my final week of work for the summer...thank goodness! I liked my job, but, boy was I ready to be done. My last day of work my boss summoned (yes, summoned. he was kind of scary) me over and led be to the back of the library and what did I discover but all of my co-workers and a super awesome cake! They threw me a little going-away party :)

{:)}
[oh yeah, and, it was glittery on top]

{yellow cake with strawberry jam and pudding  filling}
[Pennsylvania Bakery...yum]

 This past Saturday I got to go to the Washington D.C. Temple again before I head back out to school. This time was especially neat because my dad and I went on family search and found some family names for me to do! And I also got an extra-special surprise in the parking lot. I got to see a Megan, a girl from my floor last year. It was so awesomely random that we both happened to be there at the same time! Especially since (she's going on a study abroad this semester) I won't get a chance to see her until after Christmas. What a blessing it was :)

This week is my run-around-like-a-chicken-with-it's-head-cut-off week. So much to do and so little time to do it. So far I did all my clothes shopping, tried Thai food for the first time (so good... if you live in Dillsburg, go to Pakha's Thai House, I highly recommend it), and got some much needed time with my bestie (naturally, this included Glee and some Ben and Jerry's... yum :). Then today I went with my parents to Philadelphia. The history freak that I am, we spent most of our time in Old City looking and touring all the historically significant buildings (Independence Hall, Carpenter's Hall, Congress Hall, etc.). Then headed over to city hall and the Franklin Institute. My favorite was definitely Independence Hall. It's such a special place and there's a certain spirit in the room where they signed the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. I definitely believe that they were divinely inspired documents. And I also love to see the presence of religion and God in our early government

{on the floor in the entryway of Carpenter's Hall}
[the meeting place of the First Continental Congress]

{I know it's really dark, but the bottom of it reads: "Virtue Justice Independence"}
[located in Independence Hall]

Oh, and update on the boy: he is doing fantastically in the MTC, learning Portuguese and what not :)

{he's not as little as he looks, his comp is just really big ( 6' 4")}

Friday is the big day! Heading back out to Utah!!! Ready for a fantastic new year at BYU :) I'll keep ya'll posted on all my adventures :P

What do I know of God?

In a world so unimaginably large, I wonder how God managed to find space for me.

Not just the kind of space my body fills, Not only the space given me to live in, 

But the space inside His heart.

I wonder if He finds it difficult, To love unconditionally every creature, From the moment it takes its first breath.

I suppose He doesn't.

But what do I know of God?

What do I know, Besides that He is wonderful?

What do I know, Besides that He is loving,

And gentle, And kind?

What do I know?
I, A quite ordinary girl...

What do I know of God?
I suppose I might say, That every time I have needed Him, He was there.
And from that I know He is always watching.
I suppose I might say, That when I felt lonely, He assured me that I would never truly be alone.

And from that I know that He cares.

I suppose I might say, That when I cried, I felt Him crying with me.

And from that I know that He feels my pain.

I suppose I might say, That He knows all of my faults, And still loves me.

And from that I know that He is forgiving.

And then after all that, I suppose I might say, That God gave me you.

And from that I know He is very generous.

But that isn’t all!

I know, That God wanted me to look at something beautiful, Every time I woke up in the morning,

So He made a sunrise.

I know, That God wanted to amaze me,

So He put the moon in the sky.

I know, God wanted my heart to quicken when I saw His creation,

So He put the waves in the ocean.

As if that is not enough, I know that God wanted to give us something.

Wanted to give us something glorious, Something that we never could have received otherwise.

He wanted to give us life.

Here is where I really wonder.

I wonder, Was is easy?

Was it easy to give His only Son?

That I do not know.

I simply know that He did, And for that I am eternally grateful.

These things I know, So you judge,

What do I, A quite ordinary girl, Know of God?

I say, Just enough.

 ~Erica Oldroyd ("The Things I Know")

This beautiful poem has prime seating  in the front of my scriptures. I absolutely love it.